The last few days have been surreal. I cannot really explain what it is like to
start feeding the children who have never been free to just eat. Feeding them has always been a lot of
work. At this point I can clearly see
that we have traveled through three distinct seasons of feeding the twins. In each of these seasons I can clearly see
how God has walked before us – leading us into his grace, truth, and healing.
THE FIRST SEASON
When the twins were babies the reality of what they ate was not really all that
different from most babies. Though their
formula was a medical food it was still baby formula. Our plight was not much different than any
family bottle feeding a baby or two. But
there were extenuating circumstances that made it different– more difficult – sometimes much more difficult. To begin with feedings took more than an
hour for each child. Then there was the
pain, vomiting, diarrhea or severe constipation, bloody stools, extreme fussiness… Even as these symptoms waxed and waned there was
a sort of bondage to the
routine. Because they were not able to
eat solid foods we were always on the
clock – getting ready for the next bottle. This
was the routine until the twins were about 2 years old, and the routine doesn’t
even speak to the heartbreak of denying my children of the basic instinct and desire to eat food. There is no way to describe that.
THE SECOND SEASON
When the twins were two years old we began a healing diet
for something known as Gut and Psychology Syndrome. The diet – known as the GAPS Diet – is designed
to heal the gut. It is really just as
simple as that. Though the condition we
were trying to heal did not really fall into Gut and Psychology Syndrome God
had clearly led us to this diet. During
my three seasons of petitioning Him to heal the children he answered me each
time – very clearly – with this diet.
The logistics of feeding a toddler nothing but meat and
broth (and carrots, their 1 food at the time) was overwhelming. The learning curve was steep, but the Lord
provided me with a friend who was on the same journey at the exact same
time. Together we forged ahead and in
the power of the Holy Spirit we cast off our fears and went against the advice
of the entire medical community.
The job was endless and the tasks were daunting. Ensuring that there was enough broth and meat
– at all times meant there was always a giant pot on the stove, countless trips
to the farm to buy safe meat and bones, sourcing reliable and
honest farmers to buy from. Just the
sourcing and traveling to purchase food was a part time job! Then there was the constant blending. The bone broth and meat had to be blended
into a drinkable milk in order to
nourish our little ones who couldn’t chew and swallow much of anything.
Then for our family came the food trials. The work and worry that was attached to each
bite of each new food was exhausting – physically, mentally and
emotionally. But for the twins the yield
was more than a dozen foods that they could eat. These amazing little people never
complained. From this vantage point that
is overwhelmingly inspiring – and humbling.
We complained a lot. I was devastated
about not being able to feed my children.
My husband was overwhelmed at the work involved. Somewhere in the middle of this season, I had
become hardened by the monotony of these tasks.
For one example, I had come to despise the broth pot. Near the end of this season the Lord showed
me how all of these tasks were actually a part of the joy and blessing of being
able to feed my children all the things they could eat – and not about the things they could not eat.
THE THIRD SEASON
We are only now entering the third season of this
journey. It has only been four days
since we entered this glorious time – since the twins received Divine healing. For four days I have been feeding my little
boy and little girl like normal children.
For four days they have been normal
children.
It is difficult for me to describe what this feels
like. It is a lot of work. I have spent a lot of time sourcing good
foods for them to eat. I have spent more time cooking than I did with their
time consuming GAPS menu. Overnight my
children who have never complained about
their safe foods don’t want anything
to do with their vegetables! They want
to eat nothing but fruit and muffins!
They want to eat all the things they are familiar with (since watching
their cousins and family eat them for so long).
I am fielding constant requests – strawberries, pizza, pretzels, ice
cream…! If I really had to express how
this feels I think I would have to say – it
feels normal.
I guess I don’t really feel like this is just the start of a
new chapter. It’s the start of a whole new book.
This book will not be a story of illness; it will not be a
story about striving for answers or healing. This new book will be the story of nurturing and nourishing my children – the very thing I was
created to do.
i am in tears as i read this. my little boy 9 months has fpies. i am scared and hopeful. i just dont know how to help heal him. he is so young and losing weight
ReplyDeleteMarilyn, I didn't see your comment until today. I am so sorry you are struggling. I will share with you what has become a bit of a motto in the FPIES/GAPS circle - "there is always hope." If you are not connected with the GAPS Kids circle start there for nutrition - HEALING.
ReplyDeleteDo you know Jesus? He is the real hope - in HIM there is true hope and true healing. Reach out to me if I can be of any help.
Nichole, you may remember me - Tanya from Maryland with son allergic to food. We emailed in the past. I can't find your email. If you would, please contact me. Tanya.ringer@gmail.com
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